when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
