so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize