Having a random hookup so left but love u
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
