420 ftw
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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