a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
