I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
God I need to hump something, right now.
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