My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
