Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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