She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize