I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
