found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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