i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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