i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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