youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
