So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
