my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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