THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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