Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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