The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you win again, gameday.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
