I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
