I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
