My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
