that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
