tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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