Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize