Barsexuality is the new black.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
