Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
