After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
