if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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