Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
