just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
