He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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