im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
