Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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