dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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