is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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