She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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