Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
