How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
