so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
