I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
