ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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