I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
