Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
