We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
