So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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