apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize