i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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