I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
