i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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