awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
