My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
