My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize