next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
