I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize