Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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