he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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