I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
