I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I puked a lego.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
