just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
