theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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