Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Be still, my beating vagina.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize