I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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