margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
