in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
