We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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