you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize