Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
