I hate your face
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
