I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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