i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
