butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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