He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
3 2 1 whiskey
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
