Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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