The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
