my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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