I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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