I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
