Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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