And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
