I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
