I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
