I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
