Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
