all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
