whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
