I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize