so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
