It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
