I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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