There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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