Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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