U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
