Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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