i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
