did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
