I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
