we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
