bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
