I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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