I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
