You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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