Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
