I think I died a long time ago.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
