Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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