Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
another moral hangover. fuck.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
