Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
