The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
