Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
