Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
