I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
