She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize