I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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