I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
